Alissa wants David to crash out, not because of his skin color, but because she needs a certain level of combativeness is her relationship. That’s what makes a ‘man’ to her. David not rising to the bait is why makes him less of a man, in her head a real man would never let her bulldoze him the way she does with David. What becomes an issue and where it does become a racism thing, is her as a white woman not understanding or even being aware of the position she is putting him in and why that’s not okay.
David said his calm demeanor was an intentional choice he made before coming on the show, and one can only assume it’s so he wouldn’t be portrayed as an aggressive or angry black man on national television.
Alissa is a stellar example of a white woman who sees herself as non racist and better than that, but she hasn’t actually done the internal work to recognize that dynamic there in an interracial relationship, and she very likely hasn’t deconstructed a lot of the subtle and internalized racism that comes along with living in a society that is run by and for white people.
It’s not enough to say you’re not a racist, you have to put in a conscious energy into proving and cultivating a space in your day to day that is safe for people of color, and that is not what we have seen from Alissa
34
u/aaidp
It made me uncomfortable her saying he was weak etc, almost like she was baiting him to become aggressive and fall into the stereotype. But I suspect she’s just so self absorbed and clueless she hasn’t even thought about it that way. The way she keeps describing herself as “loud” in a way that’s positive is a dead giveaway. Sure, society rewards extroversion but she doesn’t realise shes bloody annoying.
29
u/CamillaBarkaBowles
Some people (ADHD mainly) get dopamine from conflict. And David gives no conflict and Alissa gets no dopamine.
here is the link
26
u/friedonionscent
I don't know...what I do know is that she's incredibly annoying...the type who thinks she's the spark in the room...when all she does is suck the ambiance and replace it with her chaotic, self-stroking energy. She's performative and doesn't have a nice vibe at all.
23
u/anastasia_42
I feel like this is looking for racism where there isn't any.
But I have to say ever since Alissa made him kneel at the wedding you could tell why she was single.
22
u/Peacock_chopra-8098
I'm American and I learned when I was very young that you don't call Black men "boys." It has a racist history. Her comments to David have made me uncomfortable, like when she said "He thick" -- like, please stop!
I think she would have likely mistreated a white guy but I do think there are racial undertones to some of her mistreatment of him.
22
u/Top_Effect5135
I don’t think it’s a race thing, I think it’s a “she’s a nightmare” thing. Why is Gia so vile to Scott? Because she’s a nasty cow, that’s why.
20
u/-Mantaforce-
No, she’s just a massive bell end
19
u/SapphireColouredEyes
Like everywhere in the world, Australia has some racist people too, but calling black men "boy" is such an American thing, soo no, I don't think it was the least but racist, and was in fact quite affectionate. Lots of people call men "boys", and it's just affectionate.
The making her groom kneel down before the marriage was planned ahead of time, and she did not know he would be black, so your friend will have to try harder to find racism in a relationship where there wasn't any.
18
u/justrachxo
I think she planned the "get down on one knee" thing in her head well before she even knew who she was marrying, so no, I dont think that has a racial element to it. I did like her until David met with bec and she was upset that the screen shots were brought up. The way she spoke over him and didnt hear what he was trying to say was obnoxious. Since then, I think we can just see that she is hard work and thinks shes better than everyone else. With the travelling the world bs that she kept mentioning and "success".
18
u/verytalleric
I thought the core issue is simply that she feels superior to him. Is race part of that? Dunno, maybe.
What I think is comical is that I see him as a much higher quality person to her. She's lucky to have him, not the other way around.
He's better to dump her
17
u/Marlene21x
I have been thinking the SAME! But I’ve been too nervous to bring it up! I listen to a lot of live discussion panels on TikTok related to race and interracial rships in America, and there’s always a lot of talk about white privileged women with black men, and how they treat them as less than, even on a subconscious level - and how the black men in those rships have to always be extra cautious because of the racial bias the police have towards black men or society itself in general has…
I have wondered if this is why David has been much more cautious of how he comes across, and why Alissa feels she can get away with several of her behaviours. I felt such unease when she commanded him to kneel, or how she ordered him to carry the cheese platter to the table, or when she was abusing him when she couldnt feel comfortable sleeping at the retreat — it all just felt like some sort of master/servant rship 🫤
But I would love to hear how this has been viewed by other black ppl — if they have seen these undertones or we’re reading into this deeper than what it’s been?
17
u/choiboi29
She is so self absorbed.
She tells David he is weak and needs to speak up. He tries to talk only for her to continue to talk over him....
It's so frustrating to watch him try to get a word in, only to get shut down and then she closes it off by going "ugh I'm so tired of doing everything" 🙄
She must have got a really good edit cos we're starting to see the reason why her mother even says she is 'too much" at times
16
u/Scumhook
Do you think she would be like this if the guy were white?
Yes.
I initially thought she was an obnoxious twat. I then softened my stance when they all piled on her, and thought she handled it well.
Now I'm back to the OT assessment.
15
u/brgr77
As a Black american, there's no way you can have this conversation in this forum lol. They'll act like they dont know what youre talking about
Just know we're talking about it over here and have been since the premiere
14
u/TwoToneMoonstone_
Probably not intentionally. I think Alissa would have been patronizing to all of her partners it just hits the ear wrong because David happens to be black.
14
u/Lanky-Conclusion-952
“Talk to me” while talking over him!
14
u/sickiesusan
I felt the whole wedding ceremony was uncomfortable because of this. Would she have done the same with a white man, we will never know. But I also don’t like her using the word ‘boy’, it just doesn’t sound respectful.
13
u/Bubbly_Status_9112
Yeah I clocked this too. But more in the way of how she'd speak in a blaccent to him 💀 "This ma husband, girl!" Etc
13
u/SweetTalkRiver
No, I don't think it's about race. It's about her wildly inflated opinion of herself. Any guy would go through hell with her
11
u/Healing-and-Happy
She calls herself a girl, so I don’t think her calling him a boy means anything derogatory for her.
11
u/mustxprotecc
also in the beginning when she kept going on about finding her nigerian prince and made all these sexual jokes about him based on his race it just felt a little icky…
10
u/oceangal2018
If there are guys on this chat please know that not all women behave this way. We just don’t.
These women are all a little unhinged.
10
u/Junglerumble19
I think you're reaching. She'd planned that stunt at the wedding no matter who was at the other end.
8
u/Fantastic_Ad7023
I don’t think it has anything to do with race tbh. I think she is somewhat pretentious (money wise) and very high maintenance. That stunt was pre planned so would have happened no matter who the groom was.
8
u/Sherylize
I feel like people say this way too quick once there is POC involved...
8
u/Diligent-Ostrich-812
The getting down on a knee would have happened no matter who she was with. She planned it. I don't think any of it is about race. As for using the word boy, some of my friends use that term and their "boys" are white. It is sort of a term of endearment to them, but in reality, I think they think their men are dumbasses, so when they are sayig it, it doesn't sound at all respectful to me. I think Alissa treats David like crap, but that is because I think she is a princess and thinks she is better than him and better than most people.
7
u/jaidennabell
She tells him to speak up "babe", but every time he does she speaks over him and shuts him down. He says he wants a voice. She says use your voice babe.. And still shuts him right down
7
u/qftvfu
I think the only racial element is that David is doing his best to remain composed, and she's just walking all over him and not shutting up, shutting him down when he DOES speak up, then complaining he isn't opening up.
I really want to understand what kind of conversation style she expects from someone, other than just listening and agreeing to her nonstop nonsense.
7
u/Immediate_Put_9963
I wouldn't say it is deliberately racist, but as a white women she should have more awareness of some of the things she says and makes him do. I think Alissa is quite self-centred generally, aswell as unaware of racial dynamics.
Although, thinking about it some of her jokes do make me uncomfortable 'tall black' etc. I do kinda think it's a bit fetishizing.
In saying all of this I do know from MAFS funny that David himself has some pretty disturbing/misogynist lyrics in his rap music and is friends with straight Chris (who is know to have violent tendencies) . I point this out not because it excuses Alissa's behaviour (because it doesn't) but because I don't want to feed into a narrative that the dynamic is as simple as Alissa - Persecutor/ David - Victim
7
u/Loud_Reach_2156
I guess you would have to ask David
7
u/Swimming_Pass3603
Nah. I don’t think so.
7
u/romoladesloups
It has made me uncomfortable at times, especially the kneeling. He seems to be enjoying it but her attitude to him comes over as fetishising
6
u/finalgirlemily
I think she had that planned out regardless of his race. I can’t speak on her further behaviours after seeing how much they cut out of the show
6
u/Background-Rabbit-84
I think she had planned the get down on your knees thing regardless of race. However it becomes very relevant when the groom is black and she should have changed her plan the moment she saw him
It’s more about her being clueless to racial issues than racism
6
u/PlateFamous1793
I gasp every time she calls him “boy”. Other than that, I don’t see any racist undertones but tbh that’s enough for me. But to be completely fair, these ppl aren’t well read, they’re not history buffs so she’s probably unaware of it, which potentially makes it worse idk. The lesson of the day is to stay in school and to read.
5
u/mathking89
No, I don't see how any of your reasons suggest she is being consciously or unconsciously racist at all. I think she'd judge any man/"boy" for not having as many assets as her, no matter their race. This is because this happens all the time between all kinds of people. If he was white, I think she'd be pointing the same criticisms at him.
5
u/MinD_EroSioN
When she calls him "boy", I've haven't heard it come across as racial, but given the times we're in, I think it's just an attack on his manhood. Which isn't any less of a red flag.
Nothing like Bert Newton saying it toward Muhammad Ali at the Logies in '79 😆
5
u/249592-82
I suspect Alissa treats all men like this, and that is why she is still single, yet wants to have a family. I don't think David got special treatment.
I do think they are not a match. And yet again, the producers put 2 people who are not a match together. He is Christian, she isn't. He lives in Bris, she is in Adelaide. She is loud and attention seeking, he is calm and thoughtful. All they have in common is: they both want to be famous, they both are hot, they both like the gym, they both live in Australia.
4
u/craziestlittlepixie
David had every right to call this out when it happened. Making a black person show submission to her, especially on a tv show 11% of Australians watch isn't at all ethical. If she had pre-planned this, then it should have been obvious to her not to go ahead when she saw David. But she's either naive and dumb as shit, or just a piece of shit
4
u/Negative_Surround_12
She's just participated for the AIR TIME....nothing else.
3
u/Mother_Size_7898
She just needs to stop talking for a minute and let David talk once in a while. I don’t think she means anything racially. A lot of women (me included) call men “Boys” all the time.
2
u/Quirky-Knowledge4631
Yes his race is a factor. He should have never bowed to her. That set the president to treat him as less then
2
u/Spirited_Ruin
Musing into the void here, but I notice a few comments around this discussion stating that 'boy' isn't being used as a slur by Alissa because the term doesn't have the same connection to its use here in Aus that it might in the US.
However, I think it's worth examining as a micro aggression because anybody with an internet connection may have picked up on its use from TikTok reels etc, and while they may be ignorant of the context, they're still using it in a way that causes harm?
2
u/MelE5150
We really didn’t get enough tape of them to be able to tell. But a few comments feel off to me about both of them. He seemed eager to play along and I get the vibe she is the type he wanted. Soooo
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2
u/Beneficial-Koala-670
We all know that when it comes to minorities, generally the experts are not going to match you with one unless that is what you specifically requested as your type. They usually are not going to risk it. I think that she probably would have treated any of hermatches like this. She's got that big girl boss energy which there's nothing wrong with that but she wants it both ways.
1
u/Still_Cicada1472
No. Not everything needs to get infected with American-style racial obsession. She's not an innately nasty person like Gia or Bec, but Alissa has revealed herself to be incredibly self-absorbed, selfish and high maintainence. Even during tonights episode, she was intercut saying that David is a good man, but he's the quiet, stoic type, while she needs a high energy personality to bounce off and constantly stimulate her. That sounds fucking exhausting to me, so I can see why she's still single. But race? No. I dated a half-black/half-white American woman, and when she called me "boy" she didn't do it with nasty racial connotations, it was just her style ("I struggled to find you on socials, I told my friend 'I cannot find this boy anywhere!!'" Etc).
Morgan Freeman said it best that if you want to reduce racism, then stop talking about it. Judge and hold people to the same standards and the immutable characteristics start to melt away.
-4
u/wisperingdeth
No.
-4
u/PollyRRRR
Aww, and there was I thinking it was twoo wuv. I’m so disillusioned now, sob.
-7
u/ilovebbcitv
There's a huge financial disparity between them. Alissa has created her brand and wealth, David has not. I beleive he works multiple jobs/gigs and rents his home. It depends how one defines success.