I... am in awe of you. You are a bad ass.
I'm sorry I have no dating advice but you are an INSPIRATION. And I'm So so sorry that nobody was hearing you for months! Sending you all the health, wealth, happiness and companionship your heart desires ✨
80
u/spacefarce1301
Your post made me want to go find every. single. person. who ignored or dismissed your pain and do violence to them. It's infuriating and heartbreaking.
But I can't. So, I'll just send imprecatory prayers their way and send hugs and sincere best wishes to you.
You deserve so much better.
57
u/reffervescent
Wow, you've been through the wringer, OP. I'm so sorry all this has happened to you, but it sounds like you are not NOW kickin ass and takin names, so rock on, my friend! I'm a 16-year survivor of stage 3 ER+ BC, but I got it when I was in my 40s and married, so I can't help with dating advice. I hope others speak up, though. Also, have you tried posting in r/LivingWithMBC?
ETA: ugh, had to correct my bad typo.
22
u/timshel2000
Wow - I don’t have any wise words to offer but I just wanted you to know I read every word you wrote, I hear you and I am so very very sorry you have had to go through this. It is so horribly unfair… and you were treated so very poorly. None of that should ever have happened. But also I’m so happy you’re seeing improvement now and man you are strong. Wishing you only good things and a clear path to NEAD. <3
12
u/Moganleaf
I joined a breast cancer support group at my treatment center and met a woman with stage 4 for 20 years. So why not build a life? They keep coming out with new drugs and nobody knows what the future holds. Your story is a tough one but I love that you shared and encouraged others not to give up! Powerful soul you are!
12
u/marticcrn
This is like a master class in how much different healthcare can be if you’re 1) poor, 2) not white, 3) have difficult or vague symptoms, 4) are a woman, 5) don’t have insider information on how the system works.
I’m so sorry healthcare is like this. Everything you said is true. I’m a nurse, I’ve seen it. My care is excellent, but I’m an old white nurse and I know people. My privilege is why I get this care.
I wish I knew how to fix this. I know what to do. It’s just how to accomplish healthcare as a human right and not a commodity for profit.
I’m so sorry. Fuck cancer. Fuck US healthcare.
11
u/East-Sorbet5647
Thank you for sharing your story. What a powerful story of perseverance. Reading this gave me hope. I’m glad you found good doctors but I’m so sorry that it took so long. As a healthcare provider myself I hate that the first part of your story happened but I know it does all too frequently. We could and should do so much better for people. You deserve to find a relationship that brings you joy!
11
u/Working-Lemon1645
I don't know how you're able to even make a coherent story out of what has happened to you, or how you've been able to keep from saying , "Fuck it" and burning down some buildings, but you have all of my respect.
You've been through what even cancer survivors think of as hell, and it started with day one of a racist, sexist, inefficient bunch of providers and insurers who let you down.
You deserved better and you still do. All I can do is say 🫂🫂🫂 and get on some vaginal estrogen if your ladyfish isn't ready for dating yet. And hylauronic acid moisturizer. The universe owes you a wonderful new love life, and I think it's damn well time for it to pay up now.
10
u/slim_ebony
One of the worst cases I’ve ever read. You need to write to a journalist or news station in your area. People need to know about your story
9
u/panna__cotta
YOU ARE AMAZING!!! What a story, keep at it girl. You are kicking ass 💪🏻
8
u/Boring_Act1970
As a nurse and fellow survivor, your story is infuriating. Our healthcare system is broken and racist and I’m so sorry you have had to endure this torture. Thank you for sharing your story, it is a reminder to us all just how damaging racial discrimination in healthcare can be. The pain management/diagnostic disparities, emergency room bias, and inferior quality of care cause medical mistrust, misdiagnoses, and so so much pain. I’m so sorry our system has failed you and so many others. The fact that this is still the standard treatment of Black patients is dehumanizing and disgusting. We can and must do better. I promise to show up and advocate for patients like you, always. Your determination and perseverance in the face of this is amazing. I’m happy to hear you’re feeling better! As someone who was diagnosed with stage 3 inflammatory and triple negative BC and beat it, I couldn’t agree more - just don’t give up. Keep pushing forward, it gets better. I absolutely think you should date, you deserve love. There’s a reason you’re still here - live it up, girl! Go get you some!! ;) Sending love, hugs, and healing energy to you, my sister! ❤️🩹
7
u/HariharKaka-
my aunt had stage IV. she lived 3 more years after diagnosis and honestly some of the best conversations we ever had were in that time
one thing she did that I think about constantly.. she recorded voice messages for her kids. not like formal sit down stuff. just random voice notes on her phone. "hey baby its mom just thinking about u" type things. some were 10 seconds. some were 5 minutes
her daughter plays them in the car sometimes. says it helps more than any photo ever could
storycorps does structured recording sessions if u want that. her daughter also ended up using something called pantio later.. it built a voice clone from all those recordings. she said the first time she heard it she just sat on the floor and cried for an hour. but now she plays it for her kids
even just hitting record on ur phone while u talk is enough tho. the content doesnt matter as much as the sound of u
6
u/fatimaa3
I don’t have advice in the dating department but I want to say I’m so sorry for all that you’ve gone through and how much the healthcare system neglected you. It’s truly a shame. Wishing you ease.
6
u/new2thepartee
I think someone would be very lucky to land a woman like you. A strong person of good character would love being with you. You just have to find each other. It’s a crappy thing that you had to go thru all of this to be an inspiration to us all. I hope you will get out and give Mr Right a chance to find you. You deserve all the happiness and good things life has to offer
6
u/Nervous-Many8176
Hard to imagine what you’ve been through. Go ahead and date. No one is promised tomorrow, as you know, you can start the day healthy, you can start dating healthy, but any time either one of you can be hit with a life event. It is the nature of reality. One good moment, hour or day at a time. Same with dating, stay in the moment, neither of you can predict the future. And, everyone, btw, bc survivor or not, has a terminal disease. Take care of you!
5
u/No_Maintenance2488
I am so angry for you!! Keep telling your story. We all have to tell our stories. The stories I have heard pre diagnosis helped me tremendously when I was diagnosed. Someone said to me when I was diagnosed “You will have better days” and I hung on to that. It’s true.
5
u/Infinite_Locksmith19
I understand everything you're going through. This is my 3rd cancer diagnosis stage 4. I too was denied meds and looked at as a junkie bc of the color of my skin. Even the Caucasian lady spoke up for me and told the dr that wasn't fair. I also had to wait months so around Oct 2021 I knew I had cancer but had to wait til Jan to get a mammogram n biopsy to get a diagnosis. Jan 2022 stage 3 triple negative bc, chemo, lumpectomy , radiation. I kept telling my drs in 2023 my cancer was back but they said inhad ptsd and was paranoid. Ffwd Jan 2025 same cancer stage 3 so July 2025 I did a double mastectomy diep flap with tummy tuck. 2 months later I'm telln the drs again the cancer is back but I'm stuck in the hospital Aug for 3wks bc the port gave me dvt in my jugular vein, shoulder n every vein in my left arm. I got out last wk of Aug n went back Sept 5 for 2wks bc now the dvt turned into pulmonary embolisms. I finally got out and by the time I settled it was Jan 2026 and boom I had a ultrasound n petscan that showed stage 4. 😓 It's like in 2022 I said I have cancer n I seen my bf once a month then he disappeared n I was with him for years . Stayed single a yr then 2023 I got with my new man and soon as I was diagnosed he did the same, disappeared n started being distant. Be careful if you want to find someone. Have talks with them and make sure theyre for u so u don't fall into a deep depression. God is my strength through this. Praying for all warriors.
5
u/IamRick_Deckard
I am so sorry this all happened to you. It's unjust. I just wanted to say that my doc was talking about Enhertu and was saying it is so good that they are wondering if they can cure stage 4 Her2+. I hope that gives you some hope that now that your cocktail is figured out it will continue to shrink the tumors.
My advice for dating is just to be honest. The other person can make their own decisions, and for the short term you just want to meet people, right? No real pressure. Big big hugs.
5
u/triblogcarol
Oh my what a story. Thanks for sharing. I'm sorry you had to go thru all that and at such a young age. Fuck cancer. Hugs for you 🙏
4
u/Adventurous-Cheek171
This. Alllllll of this. I honestly don't think I could relate any more to another human being. Thank you for being so open and vulnerable and honest about this. It really is such a testament of how you are as a person. And I value you. I'm in same boat as you. I am here for you whenever you need.
4
u/Like-whoa8108
if i'm being honest, out of fear, i usually don't read the stage iv posts - but i read yours for someone reason and im so glad that i did. i can tell that you have such a radiant light about you and even though i have no advice for dating, i really hope that all the good in the world finds you 🩷🩷
4
u/kelkely
Everyone deserves love. No matter how long they live. Its not YOUR job to determine what someone else will risk. Loving anyone comes with risk. Loving someone that might not live till very old age js a risk...but you dont get to decide for people. Put yourself out there. You might be the love of someone's life! Sorry you had the most horrendous experience....I can barely fathom the past year or so you have had. Shameful on the medico community. I cant imagine the pain you've been in. Chin up.. style that fragile hair and go grab some joy...you sure deserve it. As far as the parents. View it as the bonus time you get to make memories with them. As someone what lost her only parent 19 months ago...id jump at the chance to spend a few years with my dad again. My heart goes out to you. What a ride it's been. May the path forward be much smoother.
3
u/chantillylace9
I am a lawyer and I’m just so incredibly angry for you. I’m so sorry and I’ve experienced a small amount of what you’ve experienced and it’s horrible. But you have basically gone through every single horrible thing that’s imaginable. And so young. I’m so sorry.
3
u/IngenuityFar5111
Dude, if you can comeback from this hell, you can surely have kids. We have seen stage 4 women getting pregnant or getting surrogacy. Also, you have shown immense strength and I want you to live long enough to tell this story at your 50th and 75th birthday in schools for inspiration.
3
u/ThymeLordess
Oh my gd girl you are amazing for keeping on going with such strength after all you have been through! Let’s keep fighting stage 4 and kick its ass!
3
u/AgreeableBusiness435
What you've been through from the first urgent care dismissal to the misdiagnosis to the spinal fractures to C. diff to nearly 100lbs lost, and you're still here at almost 30, walking without a cane, with tumors shrinking on Enhertu. That is not a small thing.
The part about one full 24 hours without vomiting giving you a reason to keep going hit hard. That's what survival actually looks like, not inspiration, just one small thing that cracks the door open slightly.
On dating: you are not a burden for wanting love and companionship. You are a 29 year old woman who has been through more than most people will face in a lifetime and you still want to connect with people. That's not guilt-worthy, that's human.
A few honest thoughts from people who've navigated this:
You don't have to disclose everything immediately. Getting to know someone, figuring out if they're worth your time and energy, comes before the full conversation about your diagnosis. You get to decide when that conversation happens.
The right person will not run. And the people who do run were never going to be able to show up for you anyway, so the diagnosis becomes a filter rather than a barrier.
The social anxiety after isolation is real and worth addressing with someone who specializes in it, not because anything is wrong with you but because you used to be a social butterfly and that person is still in there.
You deserve to be loved.
3
u/SendBoobJobFunds
Posts like yours are inspiring for me to get back to being a therapist again. I have been trying to explain to all of my docs about my lifelong medical system PTSD. And sometimes I gaslight myself thinking “this is not a big thing, hardly anyone has this particular trauma” but reading your story reminds me that some people very much do have this trauma.
3
u/derrymaine
My god, girl. You are just…you are amazing. I wish I had true suggestions but I am in awe of all that you have been through and what you continue to endure.
2
u/Additional_Shirt_509
So so sorry this happened to you. Best wishes for your journey going forwards x
2
u/Metal_WaterWood
Oh my gosh you are a warrior goddess! To come through what you have dealt with and have the levity and be interested in dating should make all men swoon. There is a Mets Sub, hoping someone can share a link? You deserve all the best doctors, support, information/virtual hugs that exist in this world. My prayers and heart are with you OP.
2
u/Lizzy43645
You are amazing! What a crazy and terrible journey you’ve had to go on but complete an totally respect to you for kicking cancers ass and in keeping up the fight.
Best of luck on everything and may your journey in life be peaceful and happy 💕💕💕
2
u/tyrannosaurus_hex_
well i was having a bad night and this snapped me tf out of it. I'm so sorry this happened to you. you're an extraordinary person and deserve to have romance and love in your life-- and options and possibilities and dreams and hopes and fears that come with that. I also struggle with imagining a future with regard to dating, but no one knows what the future holds, and many people live very long lives with MBC as a chronic but manageable condition. there is a lot more to your story <3
2
u/JustAd330
So sorry you had to endure months of negligence but glad you kept advocating for yourself and are at a better place now. Keep being the bad ass that you are and persevere through this and good luck in the dating world! Hope you find your person that will support and stand by your side through this journey.
2
u/canuck_mojo
I am so happy you are getting better and I'm sending you big hugs from Toronto. My cancer was not properly diagnosed for 4 years, which has caused me so many issues, but you have been through hell. We see you, we are rooting for you. xoxo.
2
u/StenoD
Thank you for sharing- you are freaking amazing 🤩 I bow down to you!
2
u/Kkhanpungtofu
You’re shining a light on the tragically flawed US healthcare system, and I am so sorry this happened to you. And we are so glad you’re here to tell the story and encourage others. Bless you.
1
u/prettykittychat
Wow. I’m so glad you’re still here. I’m just floored that the medical folks all dropped the ball so badly at first. I’m glad you’re feeling better.
1
u/N3RDBUSTER
Thank you for sharing. I have just started treatment for stage 4 in my bones and liver. I have been so sick for the past month and truthfully I think of throwing in the towel or ending every day.
While I never got the horrible run around you did I’m carry a lot of anger with my team as I never received scans the two years I was symptomless. What the fuck!?
It’s so hard OP, thank you for bringing some light for us who can’t see much hope.