I didn't even get past "Helped Dave Hollis with addiction." How did she help him? By outing that he was in rehab? By being a chaos gremlin when he was struggling? WTF?! Anyway, back to the recap. We really should start a GFM to help you buy some self-care items after listening to this BS.
110
u/greeneyedgarden
"I hope those I've hurt are grateful I've hurt them." Heidi is a horrible person and please have mercy on those kids of hers.
100
u/holavivi23
"I LOVE LOVE LOVE the pain and lessons I've given to people."
That's some sick shit to say. She's basically doing Olympic level mental gymnastics to absolve herself of every bit of legitimate blame and shame for her actions that hurt others. I think she also does those mental gymnastics to absolve her parents' extreme dysfunction and the myriad ways it hurt her and fucked up her life. Why is she allergic to acknowledging reality and taking accountability? And why can't she hold others accountable where appropriate?
83
u/Remote-Ad1462
Good god, she has no right to be talking about his problems publicly like this. I would be so uncomfortable!
82
u/PleasantRabbit1511
Goodness. Kratom, alcohol, vaping… She portrays such a different image online. This is wild.
71
u/heyysunshine
the last part of the transcription is......so jarring. i don't want to completely dismiss it because everyone deals and copes with their SA trauma in different ways. but saying we're meant to deal with the pain life inflicted on us is a rough statement. it's why i hate self-helf bullshit. there are systems and people in power who shape our reality & what we experience, it takes accountability away from these systems and their destruction. like sorry, i dont think i was put on this earth to experience chronic illness beginning at age 19, job insecurity due to said illnesses, be abused, or feel scared existing in this country lol. maybe thinking you had to go through it helps people who struggle with the trauma from lack of agency, but i think it's very validating to point out where you've been failed or wronged. heidi, you didn't need to experience an ED, SA, addiction, and death of loved ones to become the person you needed to be. you deserved better than that. and i hate that message being spread to vulnerable or young people dealing with trauma
67
u/She_said_what13
And just like that, I’m absolutely livid all over again.
For context, I’m the EMDR therapist who has done some breakdowns here of Heidi’s content through a borderline personality lens. I specialize in complex trauma, eating disorders, and domestic violence. I also have lived experience. I was in inpatient treatment for my own eating disorder in 2006 and spent years in EMDR therapy before eventually becoming a therapist myself, which didn’t happen until more than a decade after my recovery.
I was also in the inner circle of Heidi and Dave’s very first challenge. I joined because I wanted to get strong and be part of a like-minded community. What pulled me in was her story about eating disorder recovery. I genuinely believed this would be a fitness space that stayed far away from toxic diet culture and aligned with my values around body image and health. I didn’t know much about her at the time, and I knew nothing about Dave. I went all in.
There were some truly wonderful people in that group. That part was real. But it started going sideways for me pretty quickly. I began noticing things that didn’t line up. The values being talked about did not match what was actually happening. There was a growing sense of incongruence that I couldn’t ignore.
I will tell the full story here at some point, because there is a lot more there. But this is what I need to say right now.
Every time more information comes out about what was actually happening behind the scenes, how they were actually living, the level of addiction and chaos, I feel a fresh wave of rage.
I WANT EVERY DOLLAR BACK THAT I GAVE THEM.
They charged people thousands of dollars to be led by individuals who were actively in the depths of addiction. They positioned themselves as guides for health, growth, and community while their own lives were completely unregulated behind the scenes. That is not just hypocrisy. That is exploitation.
She knew, and she continued to sell, upsell, and expand those offerings anyway. That is the part I cannot let go of.
I joined the second challenge because of the relationships I had built with other members. But when Dave went to rehab and then showed up on a live from rehab, that was my breaking point.
And now, hearing more details about what was actually happening during that time, the level of substance use and instability, it is absolutely infuriating all over again. This was not just messy. It was irresponsible, unethical, and harmful.
I am feeling re-inspired to write out the full account of what I experienced and witnessed, because people deserve to understand what they were actually participating in. And everyone out there deserves to know exactly who she is so she cannot continue to exploit and harm more people.
Thanks for letting me get this out.
66
u/TheAlligator0228
Get his name out of your mouth, and stop using his death for your content. Cease and desist!!!!
65
u/holavivi23
Dave was a heavy smoker and then a vaper?! That's something I didn't know. I wonder how long he smoked? Doesn't pair very well with running. I'd be very interested to know Rachel's tea about Double Life Dave.
56
u/paddycat19
I'm guessing Heidi is talking about Great Scott being addicted to Feel Free? Someone commented here a few months ago that their friend had DMd Heidi, and Heidi wrote back and word vomited TMI about all kinds of stuff in her life. One of the things she said was that Great Scott went into rehab multiple times when they were dating. Sounds like that's confirmed here.
48
u/redditmamapho
Fucking bitch knew he was drunk depressed and had a gun and was looking for it and didn’t call the police? Cunt
47
u/villabellissimo
u/hairyresolution4011 Can you please do a livestream on this episode?
47
u/greeneyedgarden
The host propositioned Ryan!!!
42
u/ninfaobsidiana
I wish I knew what people like her hear when they hear people say things like: “It looks to me like you’re on something” when they are, in fact, on something.
I abused alcohol for years. No one save a very few people in my life knew because I was high functioning, and I kept my activities pretty low key and late night — no day drinking, no drinking on the job, and I could hold my own when out and about, so no public sloppiness. In fact, Sandra Lee would not bat an eye at my drinking. But it was bad because it was how I was dealing with my mental health and trauma, rather than seeing a therapist and really learning to heal.
A loved one — one of the very few who knew me well enough to see that something was wrong — called me in. Wanted me to feel better and get help. I knew they were not wrong, or being hateful, or bullying me. I knew they were telling me an objective truth. Didn’t mean I rushed to take care of myself right away, but it was still an important moment that helped me get into recovery when the time came.
So when people dismiss criticism with “you just hate me,” and then casually reveal that, in fact, they had been in the throes of addictions the whole time without ever acknowledging that all of those bystanders were correct, I wonder what is happening in their brains. I know it’s a level of shame, but what about the egoism that stops them saying “Yes, I have a problem”? Dave was the same way, only I think he was self-acknowledging, and that was incredibly difficult for him.
I also believe less and less of her “truth,” and I never believed very much of it to begin with. Every few interviews she reveals a new nugget of information that discredits almost everything she’s ever said before it. It wouldn’t be a big deal if she stopped trying to monetize her self-help grifts and brand — people are sometimes shitty in their personal lives. That’s just life. It’s appalling that it even halfway works.
42
u/Klutzy_Spell4852
If only her fan poodles could read/listen to these. They all think she is the epitome of health and happiness. I wonder what Temu's addiction is because her "picker" is drawn to them!
But also, didn't Tanya claim that super Dave never sold drugs? I wonder if she had the chance to listen to this one.
41
u/ResolutionOk5211
LAURI LANE... where's your desperate ass friend to defend you while you DENIED your daughter treatment for anorexia and bulimia??!!
41
u/Evillittleangel
Am I crazy for remembering that she was very clear about them NOT BEING TOGETHER?? Then he dies and all of the sudden she became the widowed girlfriend? His children must hate her so much.
40
u/DarthSnarker
Something that's always bothered me (and I'm not sure if this was discussed before), but if she knew he was an alcoholic and vaping (plus whatever substances), why did she push him so hard to do the body building stuff?
40
u/lovethatssleeping
Sooo many thoughts.
Dave bringing vodka on their first trip. Well if she had read his first book like she claimed, she would know he had an alcohol problem. Cigarettes and vaping?! Dave relapsed and she didn’t know?! We could all tell he was not ok! Dave believed what the haters said about him? Well shit, some of it was not nice, but we weren’t wrong, so……
She thought he was going to hurt himself but just said good night and then she just carries on?
Second, her dad was selling prescription drugs?!Just wow. I feel like I’ve read here that Heidi accused Derek of doing pills (and maybe Chris was on pills before too?).
Also I don’t know what the hell Feel Free is but what the fuck. So this is the second time she’s mentioned Scott going to treatment. Every man she’s involved with has an addiction, as does she. She needs therapy. This is not okay.
38
u/MirkatteWorld
[Dave] was the best person and he got a lot of online hate. He believed what people said about him.
Heidi, not everything people said about him was wrong, nor was it all hate. There is a difference between constructive criticism and hate. Maybe, just maybe, Dave's "believing" was actually self-awareness.
37
u/Salt-Freedom-7631
She let Dave go, but yet still talks about him all the time. And I'm pretty sure a lot of what is said in this episode contradicts a lot of things she's said before. Like. ALOT
Also. Dave did a damn good job of hiding he was a cigarette smoker. Thing this is the first time I've heard of that. And I read 2 of Rachel's books
36
u/Traditional_Paint461
I listened to this episode and she really did overshare allllll these details. Craziness.
36
u/FAlady
I wonder if Great Scott got her into Kratom? And what idiot doesn’t know it is addictive?
This pisses me off. Heidi and Dave were hosting their challenges and acting like the perfect wholesome paragons of health while abusing substances. This also confirms what we all knew - that HIGHdi is an addict.
Trashing religion isn’t gonna look good to her Mormon audience. She really needs to stop talking about this stuff online and get help, but that is not gonna happen.
36
u/villabellissimo
I have always assumed that RyGuy is either an addict or is experimenting with drugs with Heidi, or he at least enables her. Everyone she dates seems to be an addict.
35
u/WILLIAMEANAJENKINS
“I didn’t know kratom was addictive “…I was mixing it with other things and was living a lifestyle .. I had money and power and I could party …”… Everything about her delusional narcissistic problems is explained right there.
34
u/MembershipOver344
Heidi : “Religion f$!*s us up” -your son is on a mission trip currently…
31
u/emaydee
30
u/Charming_Smile_5398
But she said she never drank when she was with Dave. Nothing like integrity and authenticity.
29
u/[deleted]
Unfortunately I'm not shocked about any of this because it's Heidi and she's terrible.
29
u/greeneyedgarden
All of this, and she still let Dave live in the house with her kids
28
u/youhadtotakethesoup
Thank you for transcribing all this 😵💫
27
u/sunnydays97
Maybe Heidi can clarify-
Regarding post high school, post ASU, running to UTAH and getting D’s and F’s….. She states “I was able to make it through school and get good grades”
Didn’t this chick drop out of post secondary education?
She makes zero sense.
27
u/annabelleoftheball
Damn, she is one sick puppy.
24
u/Genybear12
So we have…. Lying about how Dave died? Implying it was only related to drinking.
Cultural appropriation… yes I’m calling it that cause doubt her Mormon White self knows how to obtain sage correctly, how to prepare it properly and then use it plus dispose of it.
Religion fucks us up…. But she’s a closeted Mormon who pretends to be either something else for her men or nothing at all if they don’t have one or are running away from it like Temu BUT ALSO let’s raise our children in the same religion that “fucks us up”.
Ignoring what addiction is…. It’s ok Heidi to admit you have an addictive personality and will become addicted to anything you think “helps you” or makes you money. Addiction is a disease and it’s ok to accept that, understand it runs in families and more. There is help.
Is she saying she accepts fault in being sexually and physically abused?!?! Like she asked for it to have it help her become better? I mean….. NO ONE ever has done anything a day in their life to ask for someone to sexually, physically, emotionally or mentally abuse them. To say you thank those that did it to you and imply you’ve forgiven them openly and directly because you asked for it? Forgiveness is personal plus meant for the person the actions were done to to give to themselves, possibly given to the person who committed the act at a time later and possibly unknown to that person in order for the victim to accept what’s happened to them to accept and be able to move on.
Ok ok I need a break that last one may have spiked my blood pressure a little too much.
24
u/Comfortable_Bag9303
The girl doesn't need a podcast; she needs inpatient care. Her neck of the woods has so many good facilities. How do I know? My family member is in one right now. (yes, the one I've been agonizing/praying about for years!) There is REAL help out there: medication, talk therapy, EMDR, etc. He is finally thriving after YEARS of suffering from drug abuse, trauma, and denial.
And if I happen to bump into Heidi while wandering the streets of Gilbert/Chandler, I'll be sure to not say hi. But dang I would want to drag her to The Meadows....
23
u/heyysunshine
also, being new to hollisville, i'm still learning about them as people. but part of me wonders if heidi's oversharing and intimate details about dave's death are all misplaced grief. like im wondering what kind of support she's getting around dave's death? i lost an ex back when i was just a teenager & when it finally hit me i was in shambles. it's such a unique type of grief in that you weren't with them, youre not a widow. but there's a closeness that was there that others (the widowed) may not want to hear in Their grief. but i wanted to talk about him as much as i could, it felt like keeping him alive in a way. everything that connected you feels monumentally important. this seems to be addiction for them. and i wonder if there's a sort of sad "see, i WAS important to him!!!!" thing going on in her talking about how involved she was in the night of his passing. idk, i feel like she needs more spaces offline to air these things. ik she exploits every aspect of her life & those around her for content, but. blugh. i can kind of understand the drive, as sad and messed up and exploitative as it is (i do NOT condone it!!!)
but also, on the flip side, it's interesting to see rachel's complete silence. there's no middle ground with them.
21
u/EyeLittle415
This is so gross. So so gross. His story is not hers to tell. And she is full of lies.
20
u/YoKinaZu
When will she stop celebrating her horrible parents??
19
u/shruglife1985
Did you find it worth listening?
17
u/caffeinatedangel
I have only just read the description and found myself already screaming: "Dave wasn't her boyfriend, he wasn't her partner!"
16
u/Agitated-Spareparts
The way she tells a story she is all over the place so you can't really assemble a timeline...but it sounds like she probably started this Feel Free with Dave or right after Dave...she probably got GS hooked on this stuff and then was like "you need to go to rehab". I am not one to shame or blame anyone...but HIGH-Dee seems like the common denominator when it comes to all the chaos that has been created and inflicted in anyone's life who has touched hers. She is a hurricane alright. You enter her path and it is guaranteed for destruction.
The more I read this over again I think, what a sick and demented woman. "I LOVE LOVE LOVE the pain and lessons I’ve given to people" and "I hope those who I have hurt look at me and are so glad I did what I did to them." What the actual F??? Who says these things unless you are completely unhinged.
16
u/Comfortable_Bag9303
This has shades of Ruby Franke & Jodi ...
13
u/Status-Visual6022
So based on her logic kids/babies with cancer are meant to have it. Fuck off.